I’ve been thinking all week that I was going to write some tear-inspiring piece about Mother’s Day, and yet here it is Friday morning, and I’m still not sure what I want to say.
Mother’s Day hasn’t been a good day for me since I lost my mom almost eighteen years ago.. It has felt like this big neon sign reminder that she is gone and I (undeservingly) begrudge all those happy mom and daughter duos out to breakfast or shopping for the afternoon.
When I became a mom I had hoped that would change, but it didn’t. My husband would ask what I’d like to do and I would just shrug my shoulders and say, whatever. Even though I had children, it was still a heart heavy reminder that I didn’t have my mom to celebrate with. My sisters said that would change as the kids got older, and thankfully, they were right.
I feel like I am celebrating my first Mother’s Day this year. I am actually really looking forward to it. My daughter has planned breakfast in bed for me and other surprises she and my son and husband have been whispering about all week. I asked if we could go to a park for a picnic and just hang out as a family. I want to relax and revel in the joy of the two little people I helped create. I am going to take some alone time to write in the afternoon while they visit my mother-in-law and I’m not sure what’s for dinner, but I have been assured that I don’t have to make it. It sounds like the perfect, relaxing day. I am so excited to finally be excited!
I’m not sure what changed this year. My kids are getting older now and it feels good to see them think of ways on their own that they want to show their appreciation for me (I guess all the hard work is not going unnoticed!). I think writing my blog has helped immensely. Over the last few months I have addressed issues of being motherless and perhaps sharing those feelings outside of my own pity party have helped me become more appreciative of what IS rather than only missing what was.
For a time there was some guilt about enjoying the day when my mom can’t, but now I know that is just silly. Being a martyr about the holiday isn’t going to bring her back. I have two wonderful little people who want to celebrate how they love me and now it’s my turn as a mom to let them do that. And I (and all of you moms) deserve it!
Happy Mother’s Day!!
Other “mom” related reads:
Raising a Daughter – The joys and heartaches
Be Grateful – Being grateful for what you have instead of wallowing in what you have lost
Eminem- A Surprise Lesson in Healing – If he can find healing with his mom, there is hope for getting through your own dysfunction
One of the Neatest People I Know – When that special someone steps up to be there for you
Loss Sucks – The pain and healing of losing one we love
Give Yourself a Break – Take off your cape, you can’t always be supermom