Just One More Hug

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't, at some point, think of her.

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t, at some point, think of her.

Today I honor my mom. Well truth be told, I honor her every time that I cook a delicious meal, when I get a “best mom in the world” slap on the back from my kids, and when I say something wise that I know I got from her. But today is special because 52 years ago she married my dad and began a life she had dreamt of. And for 34 years she built her legacy. She was a nurse, a mom to five, a wife of a railroader, a terrific cook, an overachieving volunteer for Campfire and Bobby Sox, and had an amazing amount of wisdom.

In my time with her I learned to be a doer, I learned strength when I saw her face and stand up to her fears, I learned to cook (I miss her spaghetti!), I did not learn to clean (we all have our faults), I saw her divide her time between five kids and still felt so loved. I learned of unconditional love after all the times I tried her patience, I learned and have perfected her bargain shopping skills…Most of all, I learned I wanted to grow up and be a great woman and awesome mom just like her.

Ironically- or maybe not so ironic at all, her life ended exactly 18 years ago today. Her journey began and ended on her wedding anniversary. Time may heal the raw wounds but each November feels like a band-aid being torn off sensitive skin. I relive the last memories. I wish I could remember more of the good than the sad.

I miss her laugh, I miss our shopping excursions, I miss her Sunday dinners, I miss her love for football, I miss her love for crafting, I miss seeing her latest stitchery creation, I miss hunting for seashells on the beach with her.

I wish I had meddling, motherly advice, I wish my kids knew her, I wish she could have pursued her talent of writing, I wish for just one more hug.

I’ve lived exactly half of my life without her. And yet she has shaped who I am so much with only 18 years of input. For that I am grateful. I am blessed to have had HER as a mother. For it is worth the sacrifice to know someone of her magnitude as your mother for 18 years than have the lifetime with a mediocre one. But still, today my heart is heavy. I will let myself feel sad. I will continue to wish for just one more hug.


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