I went shopping for a dress tonight to wear to my (20 year, yikes) class reunion. As I wandered through Macy’s some nice big cozy sweatshirts caught my eye. Perfect fall attire.
But no, I was on a mission. I resisted the urge to look and went to the formal dress section. In the juniors department. One quick spin around there was all it took to realize I was far beyond pulling off those dresses anymore. I mean, they were cute, but where were the bottoms? They were so short. And soon enough I will have to send my daughter off in dresses like that? Agh. But I digress. Maybe the teenage hormones were contagious but the old familiar fear sank in- what if someone else wears the same dress!? I know, I was being silly. So I spun around and headed to the women’s department.
But those dresses made me look OLD. Too long, too many sequins, shoulder pads. Yes, shoulder pads! Those cozy fall sweaters were looking even better…This was ridiculous. Maybe this is why some people skip the reunion, they can’t find anything to wear! I looked in clearance and found exactly what I expected. Nothing. Looked for half a second at a beaded gold number but there was no way. Don’t get me wrong, I can think of at least one person specifically who could rock it. But not me. Not what I was looking for.
Speaking of which, what AM I looking for? My husband asked me that too and all I know now is that whatever it is, it’s not at Macy’s. So let’s see, list of requirements. Can’t show the back fat. Or the front fat. Nothing too flashy, nothing too plain. Not too long, not too short. I’m helpless. Oh look, flannel shirts. $98. Nevermind, back on task.
If you’re getting the impression that I’m more comfortable in jeans and a tee, well you’re right. But I DO want to get dressed up. I just want someone to put it all together for me. Like a fairy godmother and her wand! Yes! Just like that. One last spin through the store. Nothing. Well wait, except that stripped shirt that would go great with leggings. Can’t. Resist. I bought it. Darn it. No will power.
Reflecting on my frustration I realized I don’t care what I’m wearing for the other people. And that’s important. I am genuinely excited to see them all (well most, I’m sure) and I could do it in sweats or a ball gown- catching up will be awesome. But I don’t do this very often and I DO want to be all dolled up. And truth is I am not in love my body at the moment. I mean seriously, I can still fit into my senior ball dress (it’s not in the running, don’t worry) so where did this extra skin rolling over the back seams or that extra flap in the arm pit come from? I won’t even start on the belly. But I guess a couple of kids and a love for red wine, IPA’s and sour gummy worms aren’t helping the cause here. I get aging is a fact of life, it’s a privilege, blah, blah, blah. That doesn’t make it easy.
I’m going to try again this weekend because the clock is ticking. So friends, when you see me next month, I have no idea what I’ll be wearing. But know that the night means a lot to me. To catch up with the people who have known me since I was “Jenny Tillett”, who performed in drama with me, or drove around town aimlessly with me, or who were there for me when my mom got sick, or who I befriended in a class, is going to be great. The dress won’t really matter. But if it had pockets, that would be amazing…